I'm that girl.

The girl people avoid mentioning other's pregnancies to. I didn't think I would be that girl since only a handful of people in daily life knew our struggles. I am still that girl even though I am currently pregnant. Even my husband thinks I am that girl.

I first realized my that girl status when I found out my cousin's girlfriend was pregnant via fb a few months ago. When I mentioned it to my mom I could instantly tell by the look on her face she intentially didn't tell me, even though she sputtered out an "I thought I told you that" excuse. The whole family knew, minus me & my husband of course.

The other week? My husband says he has something to tell me that I probably won't be happy about. He followed that up with avoiding the actual news, & stalling. I was literally almost in tears at this point, so worried for what he was about to tell me.

The news? Friends are pregnant. On accident. Yes, I felt jealousy. I mean, people can get pregnant from just having sex? Sex while on bcp. Can I admit that I was a little sad? Sad that I will never know what it is like to be able to just get pregnant "like that". I was also sad for all my friends, who have been through so much and are still waiting for their baby. As much I am aware that life isn't fair, it still sucks to be reminded.
So, yeah, I'm that girl. I'll probably always be that girl, or that girl will always be in me somewhere.