I'm convinced

If I could bottle up baby laughs, I would be rich.

Maybe the growling too? That's new this week.

My mind went back

My little man isn't huge on sleep. He just doesn't require that much. Add in teething, (he has his two bottom ones now, already!) and we have had some rough nights. The husband just happened to walk in to the bedroom the other day while I was holding bubba, and this song was playing from his phone. Not that I ever forget how lucky we are to have him and all we went through, but sometimes a reminder is nice. I teared up hearing this part.

Just the other night the baby was cryin
So I got out of bed, rocked him awhile and I held him tight
And I told him it would be all right


My mind went back to a few years ago
We tried so long, we almost gave up hope...

Denial.

Yes, I am in denial. Denial that my "little" man is growing so fast and, in turn, obviously growing out of clothes. I have a tendancy to continue to stuff  put him in outfits that are too small. The husband has had to step in and ban me from putting certain outfits on him again, or I have to finally take a hint when the snaps pop open every time I pick him up.

I didn't expect to tear up when putting away clothes that are too small. I can't help but wonder if they will ever be used by us again.

::blank stare::

At Thanksgiving we were asked how little man naps. I was explaining how he has to be in his rock n play for naps or he goes on nap strike. I mentioned that it was inclined, so the odds of him napping while there were slim to none.
Relative: "Why don't you just stack up pillows all around and under him?"
I let the husband explain why that wouldn't work. But, then another relative chimed in, of course.
"Well then lay him on the boppy for naps."

Yeah, safe to say they won't be babysitting.

My favorite baby items

I always like to read about the baby items that people love or find the most useful. So, here is our list. Hopefully it will be of help to someone.

If I had to only choose one item it would be the angel care monitor. This is the only reason I can sleep. When little man was first born, I would jump up after five minutes and check to make sure he was still breathing. I literally could not sleep, until we remembered after a couple nights home that we needed to hook this up.  If no breathing or movement is sensed after 20 seconds, an alarm goes off. Worriers like me will also like the fact that it has a flashing light on the monitor that blinks with every movement. You can also use it as a sound monitor only.

Another must have is the Itz been timer. I tell all my pregnant friends that they have to have this. I would be lost without it. It goes everywhere with me. You can find them on amazon, target, or babies r us.

Little man has also loved his Fisher Price Rock N Play Sleeper. And I must say, the husband and I have as well. We have been lucky and haven't had to put him in it overnight to sleep, but it is approved for night sleeping. We use our as his spot for when we are eating, or just when he wants to chill out. Some days I wouldn't have been able to eat without this thing! Also, he has been on a nap strike recently, (unless in my arms) but this saved us from that as well!

I am so glad I got the cooshee changing pad. It is a little on the expensive side, but I am so glad my friend Mey raved about hers to me. So easy to just wipe down so I never have to worry about changing and washing a cover. We used it for little man's first baths, and now we carry it into the bathroom and strip him down for bathtime on it, and then we use it to kneel on too. The only downside is they don't have many color options. We got lucky that the green went perfect with our nursery.

"I have poop under my fingernail."

Yep, I said those words aloud last week. Fortunately, the only person around to hear was my little man. He didn't seem to mind that he was the cause.

It's true!

I love that onesie. And, yes, he is quite the chunk. He is up to almost 12 lbs, as of yesterday at 6 weeks, 5 days.

F-bomb as his first word?

So, apparently the husband and I cuss more than we should. Specifically, we throw out the f-bomb.  According to one of our friends little man's first word will be f#ck. Or, effing, since I use it as an adjective.

I don't think we are that bad, and I promised myself I would start working on cussing less.

I should probably start by no longer referring to him as "soo effing cute."

Success!

Teeth brushed, deodarant on, wearing pants, all by lunch time.
Current definition of a successful day!

*Unless I am going out in public or seeing people, then I do make sure to add makeup and brushed hair. Oh, and something other than sweatpants.

And this new definition of success is just fine by me!

Reason for my lack of updates?

This adorable little man. Who is not this little anymore. How do I already have a 5-week old?

Birthday time

I am being induced tomorrow morning. (To keep a long story short, we can't wait for him thanks to my pemphigoid gestational.) Still crossing my fingers he comes on his own tonight!

At this time tomorrow I will (hopefully) be holding my little man in my arms. I seriously still can't believe I am having a baby.

Holy shit.

If I don't pack my bags, I won't go into labor.

Right, right?? Because the ob I saw on Friday told me multiple times that I needed to have my bags packed, and I am in denial. I am 3 cm dialated and 75% effaced, which I was NOT expecting. So, that, combined with my diagnosis, makes her think I will not make it to my due date. I was not expecting this. I know, I know, you would think I would know better by now than to have expectations. Once I got this far, I just had it in my head that he would make a late appearance. He's taking after his dad with his lips, so why can't he take after him and his lack of ability to be anywhere on time or early?

Sidenote: Our renovations are NOT finished. I'll let you know if I decide to pack my bags anyways.

Drop back and punt.

We can now see little man's kicks from the outside! I mentioned they were extra strong today, so why not check to see if we could see them. We didn't have to wait long to know that it wasn't too early.

Ah-mazing!

The big reveal.

And he is healthy, which gets a thumbs up from us. And him!

More photos and details to come later.

One year ago.

It was a year ago today when we found our baby no longer had a heartbeat. I know this isn't the type of anniversary one likes to remember, but it is obviously one I will never forget.

I can remember details like it was yesterday. The way the nurse said, "There's no hearbeat, just air."
Wanting to scream at the RE when he was asking me questions about my ob's office that I could never even answer under normal circumstances. How I collapsed against the wall in the hallway after we left the RE's office. Climbing into bed that afternoon and basically staying there for weeks.

Something else I will never forget? The amazing support you all gave and have continued to give to me in my journey. Thank you. I am forever grateful.

I believe it!!

Finally. I may be a little late to this party, but I finally believe I am pregnant. Finally.

Measurements were encouraging yesterday, and nasal bone was present. No flipping us off this time, but still cute.

Nervewracking.

I had my first ob appointment yessterday. I was nervous (shocking, I know) for a few reasons. For one, when am I not? Also, the husband was not going to be with me. So, my thoughts go to something being wrong, and I will be alone to get the news. Also, I had a nightmare a couple weeks ago that they couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler.

Guess what? She couldn't find the heartbeat. She told me before she tried that she usually doesn't even attempt this early because it can cause extra worry until the next appointment. I love my dr., because she ordered an u/s to ease my mind. So, I waited with the thoughts of my freakin nightmare going through my mind.

I got to have my first ever belly ultrasound. Goodbye dildocam! Tears may have fallen when I saw our babe kicking and rolling on the screen, heart beating away like crazy. It took her a minute to be able to get the heartrate (162) because s/he wouldn't be still for a second. Bonus, I got to see the u/s on a big screen. So, may I introduce you to our babe at 10.5 weeks:

I just noticed it looks like babe is giving us all the finger for disturbing him. Just when I thought I couldn't love the photo any more, he shows a personality trait from me.

Where's my cap & gown?

I graduated!!! No more RE for me. I will not miss the almost 2 hour wait for my ultrasounds, but I have to admit I will miss my favorite nurse, just a little.

I was nervous as normal yesterday, but as soon as I saw the smile on the nurse's face I knew all was well. We got to hear the heartbeat, which made my heart melt. By my calculations I am 8 weeks, 4 days today. I was measuring ahead at 9 weeks yesterday. The difference from 6 weeks was amazing, and we could see thumper "bucking around", as the nurse put it. My husband has been calling the babe thumper ever since we were lucky to see the heartbeat thumping like crazy during our 6-week scare.

And I am so glad to have a better image than this to go through my head now.

I have the best friends.

Seriously. Check out all these clothes.

My friend "Omega" sent me a huge box of maternity clothes to borrow for the next nine months. Not only that, but she sent this little gift as well.

Not only am I extremely lucky to have met such an amazing friend, but how lucky am I that we are the same size! My husband's response to the jeans? "I really like those, not just for pregnant jeans." Yes, he likes them better than some of my current jeans.

I am hoping I can finally meet Omega's adorable twin boys sometime in late spring or early summer. We don't exactly live near each other. Thank you again, O! You are the best.

We have a heartbeat!!

Thank you all so much for your thoughts! Thankfully, the bright red bleeding seemed to just be random, and all is well. The nurse couldn't find any other areas that should cause any concern or more bleeding.

And, we got to see the heartbeat! I was worried it might be too early to see, and I would be left in limbo, so it was another big relief. I am on pelvic rest as a precaution until my next appointment, which is January 17th. The nurse told me to go ahead and be a couch potato for a while, too. I think I can handle that.