Perfection

::cue heart melting::

I opened my front door last night to find a Pottery Barn package waiting for me. Wanna know what was inside?
The cutest stuffed dog & the softest ivory blanket, personalized with "Baby Last Name" in green. Had someone been watching me unwrap this, they would not have been able to count the number of times I said "Awww" & "Ooohh". My heart melted over the cuteness & kindness.

Is it March yet?

First appoinment is Wednesday, March 3rd. We are planning on telling my parents sometime afterwards. They are the only ones who know of our infertility, so they will be the only ones we tell before 2nd tri. I am sure my mom is wondering what is going on right now, but she always leaves it up to me to initiate a conversation regarding our treatments.
And while I'm wishing for March, it would be nice if Spring could come to stay. I need sunshine.

I will..

I saved a lot of quotes & poems over the past several months. I found it helpful to read them when I was having a bad day. Here is a favorite. Author Unknown

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that I have been given this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that I am led to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

+ IUI = BFP

We found out on Friday. I couldn't wait for the call and came home and took a test. I don't think I can put into words how I felt when I saw those two lines.

My cell phone still goes off everyday as my reminder to do my shots. Though, I don't think I ever forgot I was going to have to stab myself. I know how extremely lucky I am that IUI #1 worked. I will never be able, or want to, forget about what I went through & how I felt before getting to this point. I have met some of the most amazing women because of this journey, and I am forever changed from it all. While I am beyond happy right now, a part of my heart will remain sad for all who have gone through soo much more and are not yet pregnant. I look forward to celebrating bfp's will all those lovely ladies.

Fire Crotch? Close enough...

Last week I was woken up by "lightning crotch." I mentioned it to DH at some point.

Yesterday morning I had a cramp, and I must have grabbed my stomach. DH looked at our dog & said (yes, we talk to our dogs, don't you?) Anyways, DH looked at the dog & said "Momma has fire crotch." (Oh yeah, we also refer to each other as mom & dad with the dogs. You do that too, right?)

Fire Crotch? Um. Close enough?

Hurry up, please.

My beta is Friday.

Let the longest week ever begin.

When are you having a baby?!?

I can not take credit for this. I don't remember where I found it. I haven't used any of these responses...yet. Though, I may have made others less uncomfortable had I chosen one of these instead of the response, "Our sex life isn't appropriate dinner conversation."

Top Ten Best Responses to "When Are You Having a Baby?"

10. As soon as I get off the crack.

9. Oh, are you interested in buying one?

8. I'm waiting for the Angel Gabriel to come down and let me know.

7. I'm not sure. Actually, could you remind me again how babies are made? I forgot.

6. I'm actually pregnant with puppies right now. Isn't that wild?

5. It's the craziest thing, but when I met your kid, I ran out and got my tubes tied.

4. Oh, I'm pregnant right now! By the way, do you have anymore Scotch?

3. We're waiting until we can get one through mail order because I have a feeling IKEA is gonna have the cuuuuutest babies

2. Next Sunday at half past five.

1. I don't know, when?