Double bump & bare belly

A letter to my sisters

I love this letter. I remember reading it for the first time over a year and a half ago. It made me cry then, and it still causes me to cry to this day.
I did not write this, and can not find the author info. If you know who did, please let me know so I can give them credit. I thought National Infertility Awareness week was a good time for this post
A Letter to my Sisters:

Infertility is like a party- a big, year or two or three or more long party that no one really wants to go to. In fact, it is a pretty lousy party, not much fun at all. But by the time you get the invitation, you are already there. Perhaps it is your doctor that gives you the invitation, or a specialist, or perhaps just plain old time that gives you the nudge that this is one party you won't be missing.

So we all show up at this party kicking and screaming. But since this party is held in our honor, we wipe our tears and look around the room. We see our mothers, our aunts, our sisters, and the lady down the street. The check-out lady is there, and so is the attorney, the school principal, and the taxi driver's wife. When we see them at first we are surprised- "I didn't know you were invited too" we say. But when we start to talk with them and learn their stories we know instantly we are sisters, and that their grief is our own, and that we aren't quite so alone.

This party is filled with sisters. My mother and perhaps yours too, was at this party once. So were many friends of mine. I am always humbled by seeing how many sisters I have here. Even as sisters leave, new ones come to take their place. I spent a long time there before it was my turn to leave. You too will leave this party someday.

There are parting gifts at this party, but most of us are so glad to leave when our time is up that we just throw them in our purse and forget they are there. Then one day, while we are looking for something else, we dig out a little box. Oh yes, our gift. We were looking for what to say to a sick friend, or perhaps how to handle some adversity that came our way and we found this little box in the bottom of our bag. We open it slowly, and there inside we find it. Endurance. Strength. Compassion. We were strong, and once walked through the fire she has made us stronger still. We have endured what would have once broken our hearts, devastated us, and come through with a strength that will not easily be silenced. And compassion. Our hearts have grown and now we can, without judgment, embrace each other in ways we couldn't before. We know the true meaning of kindness, and the value of compassion. We see humanity, for all it's sadness and all it's emptiness, and we can't do anything but wrap our arms around her in a warm, full embrace. We understand each other's sorrow, and we share our strength.

And so my Sister, stay strong. I understand how hard some days are, and I know how deeply you want this to end. Please know that it will, and that you do have the strength to endure this. You will. You will move forward because you desire this more than anything in your life. You will conceive, or you will adopt, or you will foster children. You will someday leave this place, this party in your honor, but you will remain a Sister forever.

Nursery Inspiration

I am planning on painting the walls in the nursery a gray color, and possibly painting the wall behind the crib a tealish-blue, similiar to the first photo. Also, I want to add oranges and the teal throughout the room. His furniture will be white.

Once I post pictures of the finished nursery, let's pretend you never saw these. Because, let's face it, they probably won't look anything like these.

I'm a little behind on things.

Really, I am. It seems like I am always slow to catch on to things that others are doing. Example 1, text messaging. I just didn't get the appeal for so long. I stood by my theory, if I really want to talk to someone I will call them. I slowly changed my theory and do text message, though not nearly as much as others. In all honesty, that could partly be due to the fact that I don't have unlimited messaging.

Another thing I was behind on-Swag.bucks. I started participating in this website at the end of last year, but I felt like I was one of the last to get on the swag.bucks wagon. Surprisingly to me, I have some friends who are also behind on times and had never heard of the site. So, in case you are behind like we were, I want to pass along the info to you guys, too. In short, you earn swagbucks and can redeem them for prizes and gift cards. I will be redeeming for ama.zon.com & tar.get gift cards. You earn these "digital dollars" numerous ways: using swag.bucks as your search engine, answering daily polls, taking surveys, plus others, but those are the ways I earn.  I find the easiest & quickest way to get bucks is through the search engine.

You can also gain bucks through referrals. So, if you decide to sign up and want to be extra nice, sign up through my link. Whether you use my link or not, you should still sign up. Because, really, who doesn't like free stuff?

I wanted to do something in memory of our loss(es) last year. I thought about planting some sort of tree, but could never decide on what type or where to plant it. Also, I wanted instant gratification so to speak. Since it was finally something I had control over, I wanted something that was pretty right away. No patience needed, for once. So, I planted some tulips in a couple different spots.

When I noticed the first one starting to bloom this year I had a mixed reaction. I thought back to the day I planted them, and what a sad place I was in at the time, and for a long time after. It made me count the months, and realize how old our baby would be. I wondered what she might have been like, or looked like. It made me think of all the amazing, strong women I know who are in that place right now, and how much I wish they never had to know that feeling. At the same time, I thought about how much had changed, finally, in the year that had passed.

So while tears were falling down my face,  I smiled.

I hope I don't return this.

So, I went ahead and ordered a glider/rocker for the nursery last night. I had been on a search and to be honest, it was stressing me out. Yes, I know it's ridiculous that a chair was stressing me out, but it was for multiple reasons. First, the ones I liked were expensive. Like, $700+ expensive. Plus, adding in the cost of the footstool.

  

 

The cost of the above chairs? $650, $1,349, & $800. All can be found at modernnursery.com, which also means, I can't sit before I buy. I mean, I know I will spend quite a bit of time in this chair, but come on! Also, I couldn't seem to find the color I wanted. I originally wanted a light gray. No luck. Everything came in pastels. I could find a purple but no gray. What the hell?  I finally decide I will go with a white. To hell with the fact that it will most likely be puked on at some point. I can always recover it, plus I thought it would be easier to find. But, I got lucky and found this.

Only $159.00!! If that wasn't shocking enough, I found it on wal.mart.com. It was out of stock, but I stalked the page daily until I was able to order it. Not my first color choice, but for that price I couldn't pass it up. Now, I just hope I like it and don't have to return it.





3 bumps

Half-baked!

I really can't believe it. This pregnancy is going by so fast and I feel lucky & grateful every single day. Little man's kicks are getting stronger all the time, and husband was actually able to feel some last night for the first time!

I promise to post my 20 week belly, plus the last couple weeks, soon.

In case you haven't heard...

PETA sucks. Apparently it is ok to make a mockery of infertility if it helps their latest campaign.  Check out this blog http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/  for a full explanation and her open letter to PETA, along with their responses.

Plus, she has a way with words that I majorly lack.

We lied.

About our anatomy scan, that is. No, we didn't lie about the results. I promise he's a boy! :) We lied about when our scan was to our family & most everyone. We didn't want to just call and tell my parents what we were having, so we decided a surprise reveal would be fun!

Also, now that it is passed and we know he is healthy, I can admit another reason I didn't want to tell everyone. I was extremely nervous, and it was easier to stay somewhat calm by not having lots of people knowing & questioning me.

Now to the details. My parents' birthdays were last week, so on Friday we told them we were bringing over their gift. We used the largest box we could find and filled it with 'It's a boy' & blue balloons so when they opened the "gift" all the balloons floated out. They had no suspicions that we were lying about the date of the scan, so they were happily surprised. Sadly, I have no photos of their shock, because I didn't want to make them question why I was getting out a camera. Since I have no photos of their reaction, I'll leave you with some photos of little man.

The big reveal.

And he is healthy, which gets a thumbs up from us. And him!

More photos and details to come later.