I wanted to do something in memory of our loss(es) last year. I thought about planting some sort of tree, but could never decide on what type or where to plant it. Also, I wanted instant gratification so to speak. Since it was finally something I had control over, I wanted something that was pretty right away. No patience needed, for once. So, I planted some tulips in a couple different spots.
When I noticed the first one starting to bloom this year I had a mixed reaction. I thought back to the day I planted them, and what a sad place I was in at the time, and for a long time after. It made me count the months, and realize how old our baby would be. I wondered what she might have been like, or looked like. It made me think of all the amazing, strong women I know who are in that place right now, and how much I wish they never had to know that feeling. At the same time, I thought about how much had changed, finally, in the year that had passed.
So while tears were falling down my face, I smiled.